Tabula Rasa
Whew. So, it's over. 2018--the year of...well, there are really too many adjectives, verbs and hyperbolic phrases that could be inserted there, so that's where I think we should start.
I am a huge fan of moving forward--I don't even like to put my car in reverse if I can help it--true story--but I also recognize the value of taking a backward glance from time to time. I mean, how else can you see:
1) how far you've gone
2) how much you've left to go
3) where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were
Now, for me, of all of those, #3 means the most. Like I said, I am a fan of moving forward, but most of the time, the natural enemy to forward thinking or really any kind of positive progression, is repetition. The repetition of a mistake is the most obvious deterrant to progression because it usually means going backward, but even repeating things that worked out for you can be detrimental to progress because it could mean that you are comfortable and not taking any more risks, and then, consequently, you can't "really" progress. Personally, I like to see where things went bananas for me, or where I made a wrong turn, or how taking the shortcut would've helped me had I only listened to someone else.
So, usually right around now, I allow me the time I need to take stock of my personal and professional situations.
I should do this more often than just the start of a new year, I know this, but something about the symbolism of starting at 1 just speaks to me, so here I am.
What I noticed I did way too much last year was to let things that were either out of my control, or not really fixable in the first place, define who I was. As a result, I spent too much of 2018 feeling like a colossal failure. Thus, for 2019, I have decided to form BOTH an interpretation and a life plan from something I read by accident over break.
It was a quote from a long-dead German author named Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (that G name is actually pronounced "Gert-A), and it states:
"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least."
I am trying to find a sign that says that, but so far, no luck.
Now, its your turn.
First--I want you to fill in that sentence I started at the beginning: "2018--the year of ____________". Explain your choice.
Second, of the three reasons I listed for why looking back is good, which one do you see the most value in and why? Explain in detail.
Finally, moving forward in whatever area of life you want to focus on, how would you like to proceed that is AT LEAST marginally different then whatever you did last year?
I am a huge fan of moving forward--I don't even like to put my car in reverse if I can help it--true story--but I also recognize the value of taking a backward glance from time to time. I mean, how else can you see:
1) how far you've gone
2) how much you've left to go
3) where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were
Now, for me, of all of those, #3 means the most. Like I said, I am a fan of moving forward, but most of the time, the natural enemy to forward thinking or really any kind of positive progression, is repetition. The repetition of a mistake is the most obvious deterrant to progression because it usually means going backward, but even repeating things that worked out for you can be detrimental to progress because it could mean that you are comfortable and not taking any more risks, and then, consequently, you can't "really" progress. Personally, I like to see where things went bananas for me, or where I made a wrong turn, or how taking the shortcut would've helped me had I only listened to someone else.
So, usually right around now, I allow me the time I need to take stock of my personal and professional situations.
I should do this more often than just the start of a new year, I know this, but something about the symbolism of starting at 1 just speaks to me, so here I am.
What I noticed I did way too much last year was to let things that were either out of my control, or not really fixable in the first place, define who I was. As a result, I spent too much of 2018 feeling like a colossal failure. Thus, for 2019, I have decided to form BOTH an interpretation and a life plan from something I read by accident over break.
It was a quote from a long-dead German author named Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (that G name is actually pronounced "Gert-A), and it states:
"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least."
I am trying to find a sign that says that, but so far, no luck.
Now, its your turn.
First--I want you to fill in that sentence I started at the beginning: "2018--the year of ____________". Explain your choice.
Second, of the three reasons I listed for why looking back is good, which one do you see the most value in and why? Explain in detail.
Finally, moving forward in whatever area of life you want to focus on, how would you like to proceed that is AT LEAST marginally different then whatever you did last year?
2018- the year of disappointment and what I mean by this is I came into this year with very high expectations which I didn’t meet any of them. In 2017 I broke my wrist during soccer season which was sad and hard for me but I told myself that’d I’d come back next year and play even better than I already was. 2017 I made second-team all-cal and I only played 6 games so in my mind 2018 when I played a full season I’d get at least first team all-cal, I was wrong. 2018 I had a mediocre season and ended up getting second-team all-cal again. It’s good for me to look back on this because it outlines where the rough parts of the year were for me and possible attempt to prevent them in 2019. In order to prevent this from happing again next year, I would like to focus way more on soccer than I already am. I wanna get out to the fields more and not just when there is practice. In order to this, my grades will probably suffer a little bit but to me, soccer is my happy place and school comes second.
ReplyDelete2018 - the year of learning. In 2018, I learned a lot about life, friendships, family, and relationships. I learned that life isn't always going to work in the ways you may want, or even need. I learned that sometimes you need to put yourself out there. This year has taught me so much and I'm very grateful for that opportunity. Putting myself out there led to one of the most important people in my life, to be in my life.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three ways that looking back is good, I think that looking where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads were is most important. Looking back to see where you went wrong or how you can fix something next time is huge in life. Everyone goes through twists and turns, and you have to learn to cope with it, or find a way to go around next time. Find your way out. Life is full of these twists and turns and you need to be ready to acknowledge what may have happened and what went wrong.
Moving forward, in 2019, I want to focus on myself. Although 2018 taught me a lot, it also brought me down. I hit an all time low at the end of the year, and this year, I'm going to focus on working to make myself better academically, physically, but also emotionally. After all, yourself is one of the most important people. 2019 is going to be the year of me.
2018 The year of Realizations. I think that 2018 was just a really complicated year for me. It had many, many downs and some ups. I learned things about someone that I once considered my friend or as someone that I could trust. I got close with a lot of people however I also let go of many friendships. The whole telling my entire rape thing happened and I got to see the true colors of some of my family members. I was depressed for a long time, it got really bad in December. I couldn't even get out of bed during winter break, I'd only get up to eat. My parents didn't even notice, in turn they'd call my lazy everyday. It wasn't until December 27th ( I think) I had a sleepover with one of my friends. And just talking to her and us looking back at the year it made me realize how far I've gotten and how much I learned. I felt stuck for a really long time, lately I've just been trying to show myself that looking back and seeing how far I've come is really important. It makes me feel not so stuck anymore, I want to get out of bed in the morning. I know everyone says this but at midnight and it was finally 2019 I felt like this big relief had overcome me. This year I plan to not ignore my mental health as much as I did last year and to just continue growing as a human being. I also want to be more focused and actually start putting myself before school or anything else.
ReplyDelete2018 was the year of development. Through everything that happened last year, good and bad, I learned to define who I am as a person, I developed my view of the world, and began to start making my own decisions that would form me as a person. I broke free of my comfort zone and got a taste of adulthood with more to come.
ReplyDeleteOf the three reasons to look back, I believe number two is the most important. How far you've come always fills you with a sense of motivation. It makes you only want to increase that distance to go even further no matter what is in your way. It makes you focus on moving forward. Not how far you have left, just move forward. Not if you trip in a pothole or miss a turn, get up. Don't turn around, just keep moving forward. That's just the flow of life.
Moving forward in developing a foundation for my career and life path, i have to search for a career field instead of working a job. I have to know what i want and shoot higher. My goals for finance last year were rather small and not challenging. My goals for 2019 will be a lot more difficult to accomplish and filled with great reward.
2018 the year of bettering my life. It’s honestly insane how much my life improved throughout 2018, even while still going through mental challenges and rough situations. I’ve learned so many lessons about my own life and what kind of person I’ve become and am still growing to be. I can honestly say I went from the beginning of 2018, completely hopeless for life, questioning everything I possibly could, to now, a strong, intelligent, kind, and limitless being. I’ve become all of this and more by simply waiting, I realized I can’t dwell on what’s bad around me, only try to find the good, it’s harder than it sounds, sometimes too hard to do. Thankfully, I’m blessed with being strong enough to keep pushing through life’s obstacles, and thank God I did because wow, things eventually do get better. When I say all this don’t think I’m talking about my home life or relationships, I’m specifically speaking from my mental state. I still struggle like anyone else with my own mental battles but I found ways around it. But it all came from time and growth, something you can’t always obtain by taking steps towards, just waiting, which gets old after awhile, trust me I know, it sucks. I’ve left so much to get where I am, but it’s not a sad goodbye. When somethings for the better, you feel better in the end. The times it sucked were mostly in situations with other people, I truly believe other people are the main reason why you float or sink sometimes. The people that make you sink are usually the hardest to remove from your life. The changes I’ll make in 2019 is continue in the right path and never lower myself for someone else. If I know my worth, I’ll always give myself the best, and it’s that simple.
ReplyDelete2018-the year of gratitude. As I went through 2018, I grew as an individual. 2018 presented me with the true colors of my family, friends, school, and the simply the world. I am thankful for 2018 for showing me who to actually consider my family and also my friends. With realizing this, I was able to have myself grow apart from the ones holding me back and sometimes abusing me mentally. I am thankful for the school I go to, to present me with many opportunities, especially with junior year here. 2017 was a tough year with my swim career. I found out I had a digestive disorder and swimming was tough for me to get passed all the pain I was in. I’m beyond appreciated for 2018, for giving me a chance to get stronger and get back on track with my swim career. I realized life is going to get tough as we move forward, but it isn’t anything I can’t handle. Looking back on how far I’ve gone is the most valuable to me. Being able to observe and just simply thinking about how much I grew and changed for the better is so important. It’s crazy how fast my life changed just in high school, but I’m so happy it did the way it did. This year I’m determined to focus more on myself and worrying about my future to push for what I want to become. I’m thankful for the life that I live and the people that I get to live it with
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ReplyDelete2018, the year of pain.
ReplyDelete2018 was a mess for me I feel like everything fell apart out of nowhere, I had a lot of things happen that nobody even knows about and I had to handle almost everything all on my own. Pain is inevitable though but 2018 was just one of the worst years ever because the pain was always consistent. I have so much to say but at the same time nothing to really say at all because this all speaks for itself in a way. I haven’t gotten to a point yet with everything that happened where I say “that has helped me become a stronger person” but when I get to the point I won’t see 2018 so bad anymore. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I’m still trying to get past a lot of those things and use it to make me better myself in some ways.
I think number three is most important. I noticed how I could prevent some of the bad things that happened to me if I came across those situations again. I would realize that I should’ve stopped letting people take me for granted sooner, I should’ve used my voice more, I should’ve kept some of my problems to myself, the list can go on . Doing those things and other things could’ve saved me some trouble. In 2019 I will try my best to stop making excuses for people who continue to hurt me, grow self love for myself again, let go of the people who aren’t good for me sooner, and focus on my mental health before anything else.
2018- the year of exploration. I did a lot of stuff in 2018 that I had never done before and I feel that is probably why 2018 took forever. I did a lot of work throughout 2018 and I came out a very different person. Some new aspects of me might be better than others. For example, I hung out with my friends in 2018 a lot more than I have before. I also got my license, picked up some new hobbies, and even got a great new girlfriend. All in all, 2018 treated me fairly well. I wish I could change some things and maybe remove some of the sad parts but overall, I'm content. I think that the third reason for looking back is probably the most important. Without knowledge on how things went, we will never be able to see how things might go. I can very clearly pick out all the twists and turns my 2018 had how they had influenced my future decisions. I'm not usually one to reminisce, but 2018 definitely had some bumps and some good times. Let's hope 2019 is somewhat similar. I'd like to be more social and hangout with my friends even more this year. I'd also like to be more on top of my work because I'm tired of being swamped by hours of work. I'd also like to start working this year and start spending my money more responsibly. As of right now, I'm a cash vacuum but that can easily change. Finally, I'd like to be happier in 2018. 2018 was great for the most part but I'd definitely like for 2019 to be better. Here's to hoping 2019 isn't a massive steaming pile of stress and anxiety!
ReplyDelete2018 the year of growth. I think for myself personally, I’ve discovered things that deep down inside, I never thought I possessed. I’ve been in some of the darkest moments and some of the moments that I will cherish forever. My own realization of how cruel this world really is only pushes me to try and to be independent of myself and rely on me only. I’ve never really imagined all the things that I have happened to me would even possibly come my way. It was like getting hit with a ball straight in the face. It has made me realize that sometimes things have to go and that there is no stopping us from letting things go sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOut of all the three reason, I think that seeing how far you’ve gone is the most important one. Really sitting down and seeing how much progress you’ve made only pushes us to try so much harder and really see your accomplishments that you have made.
In 2019 I want to focus on knowing who I am. I want to dig deeper and find out who I believe I am rather than listening to others telling me what they think I am. I want to find my happiness and really discover things about myself that I’ve never learned about. I know that in order for me to really accomplish this goal, I should learn that I should never put myself down by listening to others and their ideology.
2018-- the year of learning more about myself. Now, of course I learn about myself every year but this year felt different. I learned things about myself that I thought I already knew. I learned how much confidence I can have in certain moments. For instance, when I went to Greece in April. I was pretty nervous for this trip considering the last one I went to was a tough one for me. I was having trouble competing at such a high level because I had never competed so competitively. When I went to Greece I left all my fear behind me and just played like myself. I had a great tournament and many people were pleased with my performances. But most importantly I was pleased with them. I learned that some people love to try to bring you down sometimes but it’s not about what they think it is solely about what you think about yourself. During my high school season I learned how good my leadership was. I was one of our captains this year so everyone was looking up to me in a way. I love that. I love being a role model to my peers because it makes me feel like I have an positive impact on them. Of the three reasons you listed I see number one being the most important because looking how far you’ve gone shows progress. Looking how far you have left or looking at your journey aren’t as important to me. In 2019 I would like to further my skills as a leader and keep the same amount of confidence or gain even more.
ReplyDelete2018--the year of relationships. I decided on this because I went through hell and back with my friends and I became a more social person. My friends switched left and right and only the good ones stayed alongside me. I reconnected with a lot of old and familiar faces. I met a lot of amazing people in their freshman year, and it makes me sad to think i only have a year and a half left with them! I also became friends with a very funny person (who, ironically, I’ve seen for more than half of my life) at the end of the year. It’s such a small world!
ReplyDeleteOut of the three questions you listed, I value how far I’ve gone when it comes to looking back and reflecting on the year. While it is important to recognize the twists and turns in the year in order to grow as a person and improve, I’m a strong believer of focusing on the destination, not the journey. You shouldn’t put off your life until you reach your goal because you may never reach it. It’s more important to me to focus on truly living while also allowing the destination to guide you.
This year, I’ve had many abrupt changes in my head as to what I want to do in life. I’m a science/art kind of person, which kind of goes hand in hand one way or another. I would like to put more effort in deciding by researching my choices and doing a little self-searching. Before, I used to just ignore it, hoping that I wouldn’t have to deal with it… but we all know that would never happen!
2018 was the year for maturing.
ReplyDeleteI took some people out of my life due to me thinking they are not the best for me. Or just them leaving and I was perfectly fine with that. Some people come and go but that's just life and I just believe that god will put new and better people in my life for the year 2019. I also say maturing because I got to see what it is like working in conditions that I am not used to. Very hot, sweaty, rushed. Just something I wouldn't like but my parents put me there for the best for me. This taught me to grow up and just go threw something that I really didn't like but the check made up for it lol. Family issues, i just have to face the fact that things happened for a reason and some day I'm going to find that reason. People cannot change I realized that, they can try but they're going to be the same in like a couple weeks. But now 2018 is behind me and now I'm going to what's in front of me. Out of the three reasons “how far you've one” is the most important because what if you didn't improve in something. To see how far I've gotten just pushes me to work harder and saying I can master this. I take soccer for example from sophomore year to junior year a huge improvement and now I just can't wait for what spring season brings. But now in 2019 I want to go for my future. I want to do things that are going to help me in the long run. I want to focus on doing things that are going to benefit me.
2018- the year of growth. I struggled a lot mentally in 2018. Whether it be me having to leave class to go have an anxiety attack in the bathroom, or me being so unmotivated that I could barely get out of bed, I knew something was wrong. I finally realized that it was affecting my daily life, and got the courage to talk to my parents about me seeing a therapist, and I did. I learned new coping mechanisms, new hobbies, and learned how to prevent me from getting anxious, sad, etc. In my opinion, I value number 2 the most. I often think about how much life I have left, and all the new things I will experience, and all the things I will accomplish. This got me through some hard days, so it has always been a goal for me to never give up. I would like to focus on myself this year, and doing what makes me happy, and not care what other people think of me. Last year I realized that I was not genuinely happy, and my goal this year is to finally feel like myself again, be the cheery, goofy Gabbie Costantini that everyone knows. It has already been off to a great start :)
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ReplyDelete2018- the year of survival. My new year's resolution for 2018 was to survive. Mainly to survive myself. Going into 2018 i didn’t think i would be able to make it out. My depression was at its height, I simply did not want to live. But i survived, i’m here, still trying my best. Leaving 2018 behind makes me think of everything that i’ve been through. I think it’s the most important when you look back at your struggles and hardships. 2019 is going to be the year of selfishness. I need to learn how to be selfish. To put myself first. To be okay with me, and to not worry about what anyone has to say about what i do.
ReplyDelete2018 was the year of confusion. I went into 2018 as happy as can be with high expectations i guess and idk what happened. Nothing seemed to go my way. I just went with the flow and i was okay. a lot of people seemed to disagree with how i do things and want me to do things differently but there were some who stayed through thick and thin. With the year of confusion brought me one thing i was for sure not confused about. I surround myself with only the realest of people which have helped tremendously. They were the only thing making it so it wasn't my last year entirely. I really like to reminisce about how things used to be. How young we were, i thought the only thing i had to do in life was the bare minumum and stuff like that. I could really do whatever and it really not matter but now for some reason things all of a sudden are so serious. I want to focus on being happy, idk how but ill definitly do it, then i would like to get good grades so i can carry out a future i really desire.
ReplyDelete2018- the year of strength. I went through a lot mentally and personally throughout the year that really made me question whether or not I’d be able to make it, I see it has a year of strength because getting through everything made me a stronger person and I can reassure myself that I can get through things, I can push myself to get through them, and that I don’t need anyone to do it for me.
ReplyDeleteOut of the three reasons listed, the one I see as most valuable is, how far you’ve gone, but I also think where the twists, turns and pot holes in the roads tie into that. You can’t go to far without getting through the twists and turns first. There were plenty of those throughout the year where I just wanted to stop and sit down instead of going through the pothole. But thankfully, I learned to push myself through it and get through it. Without that mindset, I’d be in a much worse place.
This year what I hope to do different is voice myself more and give myself time to take care of and put myself first at times. I spend so much time being everyone’s shoulder to cry on and trying to make their problems better, while at the same time pushing mine away for late leaving me, myself, and I to deal with them all at once which was straight up hard. And not to say that I don’t like being there for everyone, I love giving people someone to listen to and offer some type of help. But It sucks being the one person that can pick yourself back up but it be like that sometimes. I want to make this year about me, not in a selfish way, but in a way that I can see growth and improvement a year from now. I want to stop all the overthinking that I mess everything up, I want to stop worrying about what people think. I wanna branch off from myself worrying about everyone else’s opinions and just not care and do me. I feel like I get so scared to do that sometimes, so this year I’d really like to branch out and do me, focus on me, and grow as a person and into someone I want to be, not who everyone else wants me to be.
2018 - the year of disappointments. This year has for sure taught me about who people really are and how hurtful they can be, no matter how long you've known them. No matter if it's friends, parents, your sister. I don't know, sometimes I might be over reacting, but not about this. Not when this is the year I can easily say I've cried the most. You find out your parents aren't always going to be the people you want them to be. Or does my best friend hate me today? "How far I have left to go" speaks to me the most. Sure, I may have had some shitty times this year, I mean, who hasn't? But I can still change the outcome of how much I have left to go. I can be whoever I want to be. Do whatever I want to do. And I'm so excited to do what I love when I'm older. We can't fix or redo anything that's happened in the past, but can determine what can happen to us in the future. what I want to focus on more this year is myself. I know that might sound really selfish but I promise that isn't my intention. To focus on the career path I want to follow in the next few years. Also make sure that my mental health is ok and I become a happier me. Here's to 2019.
ReplyDelete2018- the year of new ideas. I have learned and discovered so many things about myself and things around me. Being introduced to new people and ideas created so many opportunities, some that have occurred and others that are in store. The most important reason that looking back is good to me personally is that you can see how far you have come. I try not to make a habit of staring into what has already taken place, because you cannot alter something that has already happened. But, the bright side is that you may change your future in order to avoid it from happening again. That is the positive side to making mistakes, it allows you to learn from them. There is one thing that I would like to see differ from 2018, I would like to prevent others from walking over me so much. Sure, there will always be plenty for me to change. Some of those things would be the way that I react and respond to others in uncomfortable situations. Although I recognize I am not always treated correctly, it is up to me to handle the situation at hand. This is something that will aid me during struggling times and get me through.
ReplyDelete2018--the year of mixed emotions. 2018 was filled with many peaks and valleys in terms of my academic, emotional, and social life. Some were based on mistakes, while others were based on luck. I think I look back on 2018 with both regret and happiness because of the high expectations I had for myself. Not all were accomplished, and it was like a wake-up call from the universe. I was cruising along, but I wasn't pushing myself. Although I achieved many of my goals, it still wasn't everything, meaning I still have a long ways to go. I believe looking back is good because it shows us how much we have left to go. I have the mentality of always looking straight ahead and to keep moving forward. All three of the reasons you have listed are important, but the most important one to me is how much of the journey is left because until I get there, I won't stop. Seeing how far you've come is a close second because I believe provides motivation for the rest of the journey. For the new year, I want to work twice as hard as I did last year. I remember Mr. Pohlig telling us that 'sophomore' meant stupid because we didn't care, and that once a junior year hit, we would get serious because of our fast-approaching future. I didn't believe him then, but now I understand what he was saying. I didn't work up to my full potential last year, and I plan to change that his year by putting 110% into everything I do.
ReplyDelete2018- The year of discovery. 2018 is the year of discovery because I have discovered new things about myself. I have tried new things, met new people, challenged my limits. I have discovered how far I would go to keep relationships alive, and when to cut them off. Looking back is good because I can see how far I have gone. I can reflect on where I have been and even though at the time it may not seem like I have gone anywhere at all, if it is later down the line you will see the drastic changes you have made. I hope that in 2019 I will be ready to go off on my own and be ready to adventure out in the real world. I hope that I can be my own person without external people acting against me. I want to be an all around good person.
ReplyDelete2018 was the year of new (I couldn’t find a synonym). Coming into 2018 I wasn't expecting muchI just went with the flow and thought it would just be a regular year. It was my first year doing track and I did very well and liked it. Met a lot of people and got close to a lot of people through track, including Bre. But also in the summer i got my first summer job as a lifeguard and made a lot of money. I could finally buy what I wanted and when I wanted. I feel like I excelled in football also, it was fun because i played a new position and was very good at it (Although i am good at everything). Academics wise I didn’t know what to expect because it’s my first year taking AP classes, but I always strive to get good grades because they’re number one. And I did end up doing well for the first trimester and hope to keep it up through 2019.
ReplyDeleteI see the most value in #3 also because I believe in order to learn from your must know what they are. I mean there’s nothing wrong with looking at how far you’ve come but you should also look at the obstacles along the way. Analyzing these problems you encountered before can prepare you for future problems you might experience, giving you a better chance of overcoming it. \
One area of my life I’d like to improve upon is using my time more wisely. I do a lot of things throughout the day, and by the time I get home I don’t feel like doing anything so I just be on my phone or something. I should be doing my homework and doing things early on instead of procrastinating because then when I procrastinate it messes up my time management up even more. I want to start being on top of things more this year, and decrease my procrastinating because it’s a bad habit.