Confucius Says: Words Are the Voices of the Heart
I love words.
Good thing, I suppose, given my chosen and hard-fought-for occupation. Every time I sit down at a keyboard or have a pen poised over a blank sheet of paper, I feel overwhelmed with excitement, with possibility, with anticipation. With a few key strokes or swipes of a pen, you can find the right combination of words that can make someone LOVE you.
Conversely, you can break a heart, manipulate a mind or sever an allegiance…all with those same strokes or swipes. Think about that. Legends are immortalized because of words. Nations go to war over words. Couples are united in matrimony with words. Hearts and lives are shattered due to words. The power they wield is, in a word, awesome.
“Every time I come around the corner and see your car in the driveway I get sick to my stomach.”
I sat on the couch during yet another face-off with my mother when she let fly with that condemnation, effectively shattering any sense of comfort and belonging I may have been clinging to at the time. I was 17. I’m 48 now, and I can hear those words in my ear as clear as if they were uttered 10 minutes ago. I can’t say that it was those exact words that led to the eventual, unsurprising demise of my relationship with my mother, but I know it was certainly a huge chunk out of the already crumbling foundation. It stands, to this day, as one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
But, as I said, words are powerful. They have healing properties. Let me give you an alternate scenario.
I was visiting a friend at what is now, TCNJ (then it was Trenton State College). My boyfriend of about a year had just broken up with me, quite unceremoniously, at a party the night before. I was feeling kind of blue, just sort of moping around the campus waiting for my friend’s class to end. While aimlessly wandering through the bookstore, I saw an old friend from high school, a guy who graduated a year ahead of me. We got to talking about life after high school and what my plans were and all of that idle small talk, when he looked me right in the eye and said, “Well Cass, the thing is, I hear you’re an excellent writer.”
What followed is not a Cinderella-like ending of fairy-tale romance (this is me we’re talking about and you know I hate that HS Musical type-shizz) between Matt Opacity (that was his name) and your Lang teacher.
We didn’t fall into each other’s arms and swear undying love—it wasn’t even a romantic moment.
He wasn’t trying out a brand-new pick-up line or even trying to soothe my bruised, dumped ego.
It was a simple declaration that I am quite sure he would never even remember saying all these years later. But it’s impact on me was and is undeniable. Because of him, when I went back home, the first place I looked for a summer job was at a local newspaper called The Sandpaper. I landed a job as a stringer and at the tender age of 18, got my first ever piece of writing published. I even got paid for it! (It was an article on Tonkinese cats—don’t laugh!) Such is the power and the beauty of words.
So, that is the focus of this week’s blog question. I would like you to think about conversations you have had, arguments in which you’ve been embroiled, moments of bliss you have experienced. They all have one thing in common—WORDS.
The Yin: What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you? Why do you think it was the worst thing? How did it make you feel?
And for the Yang (because there always is one): What was the best compliment you have ever received?
Who said it? Why do you think was it was the best compliment?
And finally, perhaps even MOST IMPORTANTLY, reflect on the fact that you highlighted these two particular comments. What do you think your choices of what was the best and worst thing anyone could say about/to you reveal about your personality? Much to think about, I know.
Good thing, I suppose, given my chosen and hard-fought-for occupation. Every time I sit down at a keyboard or have a pen poised over a blank sheet of paper, I feel overwhelmed with excitement, with possibility, with anticipation. With a few key strokes or swipes of a pen, you can find the right combination of words that can make someone LOVE you.
Conversely, you can break a heart, manipulate a mind or sever an allegiance…all with those same strokes or swipes. Think about that. Legends are immortalized because of words. Nations go to war over words. Couples are united in matrimony with words. Hearts and lives are shattered due to words. The power they wield is, in a word, awesome.
“Every time I come around the corner and see your car in the driveway I get sick to my stomach.”
I sat on the couch during yet another face-off with my mother when she let fly with that condemnation, effectively shattering any sense of comfort and belonging I may have been clinging to at the time. I was 17. I’m 48 now, and I can hear those words in my ear as clear as if they were uttered 10 minutes ago. I can’t say that it was those exact words that led to the eventual, unsurprising demise of my relationship with my mother, but I know it was certainly a huge chunk out of the already crumbling foundation. It stands, to this day, as one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
But, as I said, words are powerful. They have healing properties. Let me give you an alternate scenario.
I was visiting a friend at what is now, TCNJ (then it was Trenton State College). My boyfriend of about a year had just broken up with me, quite unceremoniously, at a party the night before. I was feeling kind of blue, just sort of moping around the campus waiting for my friend’s class to end. While aimlessly wandering through the bookstore, I saw an old friend from high school, a guy who graduated a year ahead of me. We got to talking about life after high school and what my plans were and all of that idle small talk, when he looked me right in the eye and said, “Well Cass, the thing is, I hear you’re an excellent writer.”
What followed is not a Cinderella-like ending of fairy-tale romance (this is me we’re talking about and you know I hate that HS Musical type-shizz) between Matt Opacity (that was his name) and your Lang teacher.
We didn’t fall into each other’s arms and swear undying love—it wasn’t even a romantic moment.
He wasn’t trying out a brand-new pick-up line or even trying to soothe my bruised, dumped ego.
It was a simple declaration that I am quite sure he would never even remember saying all these years later. But it’s impact on me was and is undeniable. Because of him, when I went back home, the first place I looked for a summer job was at a local newspaper called The Sandpaper. I landed a job as a stringer and at the tender age of 18, got my first ever piece of writing published. I even got paid for it! (It was an article on Tonkinese cats—don’t laugh!) Such is the power and the beauty of words.
So, that is the focus of this week’s blog question. I would like you to think about conversations you have had, arguments in which you’ve been embroiled, moments of bliss you have experienced. They all have one thing in common—WORDS.
The Yin: What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you? Why do you think it was the worst thing? How did it make you feel?
And for the Yang (because there always is one): What was the best compliment you have ever received?
Who said it? Why do you think was it was the best compliment?
And finally, perhaps even MOST IMPORTANTLY, reflect on the fact that you highlighted these two particular comments. What do you think your choices of what was the best and worst thing anyone could say about/to you reveal about your personality? Much to think about, I know.
The worst thing someone has ever said to me is “You’re the most ungrateful person I have ever met in my entire life.” This was said to me by someone who I thought was a friend at the time. It was said in a fight and came about for no reason at all and had no context to what was going on. I feel that this was the worst thing someone had ever said to me, because in life, I make sure to always thank someone, even if it’s something little like holding a door or picking something up for me that I dropped. I never mean to be ungrateful and I don’t know why anyone would see me like that. It hit me hard, and it made me think about my life and how I’m living. Was I ungrateful? Do other people think of me like that? For months and months after that, I always made sure that I wasn’t “ungrateful” at all and I made sure to be good to anyone who ever did something for me.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, the best thing someone has ever said to me is “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re always there for me and I can always count on you.” Cheesy, I know, but this compliment really made me feel good about myself. When this was said to me, I was ecstatic. I always strive to be the best to everyone I come across and I try to make everyone feel like they’re wanted and never leave anyone out. I make sure to never hurt anyone with words, because I know how bad it hurts. Again, said by a friend, but this friend I’ve had for a long time, and didn’t betray me. They’ve never said anything mean to me.
These conversations that I had with these specific people shape me into who I am today. The worst one made me rethink life and try to better myself, making sure I was neve ungrateful. The best one reveals that I really am a good friend and that I’m always there for people, which is a good self esteem booster. This all reveals that I’m good to others and I strive to make sure someone always feels like they have someone. Because feeling like you have no one is not EVER a good feeling.
My relationship with my mom has gotten more rocky the older I get. She says a lot of things to hurt me. And I cower into submission because, well, she’s my mom. This may not have been the worst thing someone has said to me but it’s something that has hit me the hardest because it came from my own mom. It was another night of my mom trying to drown her depression, anxiety, and anger at the world in her favorite vodka. Most of the time I try to stay out of her way, keep my head down, and keep my mouth shut. But that night was different, my older sister was home. They have never been able to get along. They are both stubborn and their personality cause hell to freeze over. So, that night, they were arguing. About something that I don’t remember, probably about her fiancé. This was the usual. They would argue and would progressively get louder, I would try to distract my siblings, and my moms boyfriend would sit in his room doing nothing about anything. After awhile my sister leaves the house, so, I follow her. We walk around for a while. Meanwhile my mom is blowing up my phone telling me to come home. So I went home. When I get there my mom is sitting on her bed, watching me as I grab a towel to take a show. She starts to ask me about my friend and what she was going through with her ex boyfriend at the time, I tell her I don’t want to talk about it right now. This infuriated her. Next thing I know she had me backed into a corner, so close to my face I can smell the alcohol on her breath, so close I can see the vein popping out of her head as she’s screaming at me. This isn’t unusual for me and her. This is how it goes, it’s the norm. This time was different, I didn’t recognize her, she wasn’t my mom in this moment, she was this monster that was going to say anything to hurt me, and she did.
ReplyDelete“ I don’t give a fuck about your high school, teenage problems”
This hit hard. For one, my mom is constantly telling me that I need to talk to her more, to not hold things in, and two, I could tell that she wholeheartedly meant it. As she continues to scream in my face my sister is in between us, trying to get me to leave. But my mom beats her to the punch. She sends all my clothes flying down the steps, with me along with them. She kicked me out. And trust me I did not want to go back. But I did, and I continue to submit to her completely.
Okay now i'm gonna move on to less depressing stuff. We all go through people who we call our best friends. it’s life, it’s high school. But it’d be an honor to know my best friend forever. Maryn is my person. She loves me through it all, she fights with me through the pain of my life and I do the same for her. She knows how to calm me down, and lift me up. There’s never a moment were we can’t laugh and make it better. She came into my life with a purpose and she changed it. She teaches me to believe in myself like no one else has ever done. This brings me to the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. “Kaela you are so so strong, you don’t even know” . She reminds me that I am strong when I feel weak. I’ve been through a lot in my life and it’s easy to want to give up, it’s easy to feel weak and helpless. But she never lets me forget my strength and that my struggles make me strong.
The worst thing someone has said to me is that im worthless and that ill never be anything. I really felt it even though usually i don't feel that much in situations like that. It just makes me angry when someone judges me and tells me i wont be good enough when they aren't me, haven't lived my life, and on top of that are basing their judgment on their standards not mine. I care about being a good person and making sure people i care about are straight and happy before i worry about me. Because i could be the poorest person in the world but if my friends and family are healthy, to me i'm also the most successful person in the world.
ReplyDeleteThe nicest thing someone has said to me is when i had a problem and my friend helped me get through it even though they didn't benefit from it. The fact that the subject didn't matter to them at all and that they were willing to help me just because it meant something to me makes me feel so good. Instead of being ignorant and judging how i don't do things they do my friends will help me just because it means something to me.
This makes me realize that no matter what im going to be myself without any regrets and i will never stop or pick on someone for being themselves either. I will help what my friends are going through even if it means nothing to me, well it means a lot to me just because it means a lot to them
There has been a various amount of harsh things said to me. However, the worst thing anyone has ever said to me was, “why don’t you go stay with your father more than just Sundays? Oh wait, cause he doesn’t want you there”. To help set the scene, my parents are divorced and this was said to me by my mom. This moment just started as the basic teenager/mom fight, but then it happened to get deeper and deeper. My dad works night shifts till around 1am every night and that’s why I stay with my mom during the week and my dads on the weekend. I think this was the worst thing said to me because it came from my own mother. Throughout my whole life, I’ve grown up to be just like my dad. We are literally twins. The reason my parents got divorced is a pretty bad reason, so when she said this to me I thought about it deeper; why do I only stay with my dad on weekends? My dad loves me with his whole heart, I know that 100%. I believe my mom said this to me just out of anger and to just bring my feelings down with hers at that moment. But, when my mom said this, I felt so unwanted. I know I’m both my parent’s world but the question, “why didn’t my dad fight to see me more than just Sundays”? Constantly went through my head that night. Just in the heat of the moment, during a fight, saying hurtful things truly does hurt. (Don’t think I have horrible parents, their both the best out there and are always there. I love them so much, however I do think this is the worst thing said to me because till this day, I still think about this and I still feel a type of way.)
ReplyDeleteThe best compliment I have ever received was, “Even though you’re younger than me, I look up and admire you”. This was said by my cousin Taylor. Taylor and I are closer than anything. We have our fights, but she’s there every second, brining the best out of me. She always knows what to say and helps boost my self esteem. I believe this was the best compliment because I always looked up to her. Taylor was my first and always will be best friend. I tell her everything and I just always strive to have her love, determination, compassion, smartness and so much more. When she told me this, I completely froze. I was so shocked that my older cousin looked up to me when I always have been looking up to her. Taylor pushes me to be the best that I can be and is always truthful about everything. She’s a HUGE factor of who I am today and has impacted my life for the better. Taylor helps me to never give up and helps me push through the rough patches I come across. I will forever be grateful for her and I’ll always remember the moment she told me this.
The worst thing that anyone has ever said to me would be “from now on don’t associate yourself with my side of the family.” This was said to be my mother and it really was those moments where you are so speechless from what you heard. My parents have always had a easy going relationship, however things have been a little rocky these past few months. My mom absolutely hates my grandma with her guts. I guess since there’s bad blood, every time they’re around each other, I feel some type of tension. My grandma is literally my angel. I love her with all my heart and the things I tell her are things I don’t even tell my mom sometimes. Since my mom is always working, we never really bonded a lot because I didn’t see her often, so I always had to turn to my grandma. She cooked ever meal, cleaned the house, watched over us, and basically was the mother figure I never had in my family. Not saying I don’t love my mother either, it’s just I feel like I have a stronger bond to my grandma. Since my grandma is abroad for two months, I have to do everything myself. Two weeks ago my sister came home to visit us. The three of us were having dinner together and my sister cracked up a joke saying “mom why do you hate grandma so much.” I guess in the moment she didn’t expect all of this to elevate so quickly since it was merely just a joke in her head. The two get into an argument and out of no where my sister said “you married into this family.” That then infuriated my mom because my parents have gotten into arguments before about family and last names and how she was the one that is supposed to follow my dad since he’s the main figure in all of our lives. I guess I didn’t want the situation to turn out worse so I told my sister to shut up and be quiet. I knew my mom was already upset and frustrated with the whole thing and I guess she must’ve thought that I was backing up my grandma and my dad and the next thing you know, she fires the most shocking thing out of her mouth. In that moment I wanted to cry and break down, but I don’t show my mom that side because I’ve never been in the situation where she really comforted me and showed me affection when I was upset or sad. It’s always been my grandma who has seen me in those moments. I think I still dwell on that because it really hit me right in the center of my heart.
ReplyDeleteThe nicest thing someone has ever said to me would be “You’re so hardworking. Everybody would love to have you as their child.” This was said to me by my dad. When I receive compliments I don’t really know how to accept them in because I feel as if I’m just really awkward at accepting compliments. My dad rarely gives me compliments and in the moments he does, I appreciate them greatly. He really is my best friend. I just appreciate him and everything he does as the “head” of our family. Whenever my mom says no, I can always go to him and he’ll say yes and cover up for me whether that’s me asking him to buy me something or going over friends houses, he’ll always be there.
I guess now that I think back on it, my mom constantly pushes me to do new things even things that I don’t wanna do. She’s always there when I need her to be and I think that she’s shaping me into a more mature women. I know something things that she says can pull me down and put me in a uncomfortable situation, but I guess that’s how every family is. There’s no perfect family where people don’t get into arguments with one another. The good things applaud me for all the work and effort that I put in while the bad things just motivate me to try harder.
The worst thing that was ever said to my was over text and it was "You know what Jenna, You actually made me worse, I never loved you." When I was in eighth grade I was dating a kid who said this and it made me feel terrible. This is when we were breaking up and I was in a very unstable part of my life. I think this was hard for me because I always want to please people and hearing that I spent time with this guy who never loved me and I hurt them made me so upset. It made me feel so so bad. The best compliment that I have ever seen isnt really a compliment, but a statement. It was said by my best friend Mariah, she said "I am so glad you are my best friend" while we were hugging. I liked it so much because I felt like I belong and she liked me and my presence. This reveals about my personality that I just want to have everyone around me happy and if something doesn't make the person happy it really brings me down.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing anyone has ever said to me. Hmm. To be honest, I don't know. I don't really pay attention to the bad things people say about me and honestly I'm immune to stuff like that now. My friends constantly bash each other and now it takes me a lot to get hurt by words. The only thing that really comes to mind is when people call me annoying but I don't really care about that. The best thing? Also kinda hard but it's probably when these girls called me cute at Red Robin. That made me feel pretty good. I don't really receive too many compliments and this is the only one that really comes to mind. I don't know why I picked these two things but it probably says that I don't get hurt too easily and also that I'm not anything special. It says that I'm mediocre at best.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing someone’s ever said to me is that I was worth nothing. You can imagine how demoralizing and terrible it felt to be told that, by someone you’re held responsible to as well. To be told I had no worth in life? Meaning there’s literally no point in being alive? I know it’s not true but there’s always a part of me that wonders what if, because if that was true I’d become a very self destructive person mentally.
ReplyDeleteThe best compliment I’ve ever received wasn’t about my physical looks, although those are nice they don’t last, meaning the feeling. But when someone tells you your soul is beautiful or the way you see things is inspiring that truly is empowering. Therefore the best compliment I’ve by far received was that I’m a great listener and advice giver. They said I actually listened and had solid advice and just made their day better by helping them through something. It felt really good to hear my input mattered to someone since it often doesn’t. Other than that the best compliment has been being called funny because ... of course I wanna be funny and make people happy.. duh.
I think both of these opposing sides to what I’ve been told says I know my worth. I know I’m worth more than my looks and to know I “have” worth in general. Of course I do, everyone does. Even though I know my worth I still disrespect myself sometimes in certain ways, but we all do that too. I’ve realized that’s okay but I have to know I’m valuable and deserve the best so I can keep giving my best to others.
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ReplyDeleteThe worst thing that was told to me was “ Of course you always choose your dad’s side, he’s your favorite “ this was said by mom to me. This has been said a lot. My parents are always getting into something their always arguing and I have to step in. And because my dad takes me everywhere we get to talk about these situations both my mom and dad are have. My dad gives me his view on what he thinks about of the situation and he keeps on telling me about and then it's stuck in my brain all the stuff he has had to deal with my mom and everything. His viewpoints have been stuck to my brain. And then I go home and I tell my mom what I think about the situation and how she shouldn't do or react like that but then she comes with that quote and then I get the silent treatment for like 3 days and I'm like are you serious. This is messed up because I love them both equally and I really don't have a favorite between them two it's just, I just want everything to be alright with them and like I shouldn't get judged for what I think would be the best for them two because at the end of the day they're my parents and they have been for me since day 1. I love my mom and she knows that she knows what I like she knows everything about me and I'm always there to comfort her when them two have arguments and things go wrong. I feel like she feels out numbered in the situation but she shouldn't feel because I am always there for her it's just I know another viewpoint of the story. This just hurts me because i just want them to stop.
ReplyDelete“This is going to be a hard year, but I believe in you and I am here for you at anytime” this was said by my brother David in the beginning of this year. This gave me a sense of hope because David has gone through these classes and he knows how hard it is and he knows that I can do it. And to know that someone like him who made out of this school successful believes in me to do well feels great. Also as well how busy he is on a daily basis also shows that he loves me and is there for me. David knows that I wasn't prepared for all of this but he knows the outcome from when he was here, he thinks I can do the same.
This makes me realize that all I go through at home, I still know I can do things and come out with a positive outcome and not let my parents affect my performances and that others believe in me and are willing to push me because they care about me.
The worst thing anyone has ever said to me was: “I hope you die in a hole.” This was said to me a few years ago and at the time it didn’t bother me because I never did anything to that person and I had no idea why she wished DEATH upon me. But now, as I look back, it is crazy to me that a human being could wish death on another human being. It makes me sick knowing that she wanted me to not exist anymore, and whenever I see this person I get constant flashbacks because that wasn’t the only disgusting thing she had said to me. I don’t associate myself with this extremely toxic person anymore, but I still think about it often and it’s just crazy to me.
ReplyDeleteNow, the best thing anyone has ever said to me, in my opinion, was written in a letter to me from my bestfriend Gianna. We are both suckers for sappy handwritten letters and this one phrase has stuck with me ever since I read it. She wrote, “Inside and out you radiate this beautiful energy. Your laugh bounces off the walls and brings nothing more but joy into my life.” This really hit me hard and made my heart warm, because I strive to be THAT person. I strive to make others around me happy even when I am struggling, and try to radiate this energy that is loving and nurturing.
Thinking of the worst thing someone has ever said to me is kinda a long list and those hurtful things all come from people who are closest to me. I don’t wanna get too deep so I’ll choose this one. “You need to be more extroverted, your sisters talk to me, they hang out with the family, they talk, you don’t. You’re not like Liana.” This wasn’t the worst thing I’ve been told but it’s up there with a bunch of other things. This hurt me because it made me realize that my own dad just doesn’t know me, he doesn’t see the person my friends see, I don’t act the same around him then I do with everyone else. It also hurt because he compared me to my sisters and even mentioning one of my oldest Liana hurt too because her and I are SO alike and it just showed me that he really doesn’t know me and never cares enough to ask why I am the way I am sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThe best compliment I’ve ever received is hard to decide because I’ve gotten so many beautiful ones that literally make me cry. I would definitely have to say that when I read this, one of the first things that popped into my mind was something a close friend of mine wrote in a card for me that said “You have the gift of making people around you happy. I don’t ever remember a time that I was sad around you.” This was one of the best compliments I’ve ever received because I love making people happy, that’s something that I always have strived to do. Realizing that somebody genuinely thinks that I make them happy and make others happy makes me feel so loved and just happy because that’s all I want. I want to make others happy.
The worst thing someone ever said to me was that I was not gonna make it to the big leagues or that my chances were very slim. This might not seem that important but no one has ever really said something that mean to me before, so this probably hurt me the most. I take soccer very seriously and when someone doubts me it hurts a little bit. A little bit, but not enough to bring me down which I am glad for. When people try and say mean things to me about soccer it literally only makes me stronger. It makes me want to prove everyone around me wrong. When I do prove them wrong I won’t brag, I will just keep on doing what I’m doing. In some cases saying mean things to people can actually boost you even more in my opinion. Of course what was said to me is not nearly as bad as some other things people have got but it’s the worst for me. I know the chances are slim but no one has to tell me I can’t be or do what I wanna be or do. The only person that can is myself but I’m strong enough to never bring my own confidence down. The best compliment I got was that I was a role model to someone. That makes me feel that all of my hard work pays off and peoe realize it. This also makes me want to do more and be more. It boosts me to be better. The moral of this is that no matter what anyone says about my skills or abilities I will always look at the positive side of it and make the best of it.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing anyone has ever said to me was from my father. Who, in the heat of an argument (which is rare) said, “I don’t even know if you love me.. you don’t love me.” There was a lot of explanation attached to that statement, but that was the sharp end of the knife for me. How could he say that I don’t love him? He then asked “what do you do to show me that you love me?” I was a child scrounging for the right words to say to a tunnel minded adult. There was no one there to defend my case, it was just him and I in a very uncomfortable tension. Everything that he said to me on that day collectively was the worst thing that has ever been said to me. It’s not even the fact that he said “you don’t love me” out of the blue. The way it was said portrayed as if he was holding that in for the longest time, and truly believed it and that’s what hurt. He went on making claims that I was too frazzled to even defend myself over. My response was, “I show my respect, I listen, I do as i’m told, I do anything I can to please you and to make you happy.” He added that even my sister who is all over the place apparently shows love to my parents better than I do. How does one to respond to that one, thank you? For comparing me to someone who is clearly not comparable in the situation. Thank you, for comparing me to my sister. Looking back I acknowledge my dads will power to hold in his anger is small, and that’s why he went on and on. It will still always be a day I can’t forget, because that was the first time I ever argued with him and I had to sit there and not disagree for a second. He would he pounced on the opportunity to say that’s why I don’t love him if I had. The saddest part was I knew he would apologize, and indeed after an hour of going nowhere he apologized. I still wonder if that was sincere, or to shut me up. That day was so hurtful to me because I heard my dad expressing his ideas, and it’s not my place to say they’re invalid; but to me they weren’t true. I didn’t believe anything he was saying about be, and I couldn’t understand where all of it was coming from. It still, to this day, makes me wonder if he still feels that way.
ReplyDeleteThe best compliment ever given to me was an accident. One of my close friends from recently in the middle of me discussing what I had to do as a leader in band and how much I really have to do, gave me the best response. He said very genuinely, “you know what, you’re right. You are a mom, crazy, quiet, a friend, and all when you need to be. Katelyn you’re all over the place.” I love what he said because it explains me so plainly, so raw. I couldn’t agree more, and this is the first time I think anyone has understood me. He was not wrong when I thought about it, and I love how that felt to hear. That meant that someone actually noticed all that I do and the work and effort that I have to put in to do that. I mean, it’s like a face change for a situation. You have to know when the right time to talk, encourage, simmer down, and to laugh is. Especially when you have people coming to you for guidance, you need to know what you’re doing. It was cool to hear that someone actually noticed that. He’s in a few clubs with me, so he sees me all the time. I take his opinion seriously. It’ s really funny though because he said all this in the middle of a conversation. He wasn’t seeking admiration for the comment, he was being blatantly honest about what he observed of me over the year or so that we’ve been friends. I love that.
Both of these choices show that I, like most human beings value words. It will always be hurtful when you say something rude not considering someone’s feelings in the process. At that same time most people give compliments to get something in return. That is why I value selflessness, people out there who give not searching to get. It is true that words say a lot, but I also try to keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. I keep this in mind in the heat of an argument, and after someone tries to flatter me. You can say what you want but my dad forgot all about what he yelled .2 seconds later and everything went back to normal. At the same time, someone can compliment your outfit, but most likely if they are not giving you the time of day otherwise, they are only seeking for you to like them. I always try to remind myself that sometimes words can be misunderstood, and that’s okay too.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing anyone has ever said to me came from my father. I was in 3rd grade and a had made a fatal decision of trying to steal extra milk from the cafeteria. Once I got caught I knew my mom was gonna yell at me and ground me but I never thought she’d bring my father into it. After a long speech about how stealing was bad, my father came and picked up. At first, he didn’t seem mad and we were just having a normal conversation I didn't know where we were driving to but I wasn't worried about it. Until we pulled up to the county jail and my father looked at me with a straight face and said: “Do you wanna end up here like I was?” I know that this isn’t something mean but when my father said this to me my world shattered because I always had a hunch that he was in prison but I was always too scared to find out the truth. The nicest thing someone has ever said to me was probably “You deserve to be on that team” This came from my coach and it was the nicest thing because I was doubting myself and questioning if I was good enough to play on a team with so many other really good players.
ReplyDeleteWhen thinking about the worse thing somebody has ever said to me, two main times comes to mind. freshmen year at a track meet. I wasn’t having the best season and was struggling trying to get faster. I have plantar fasciitis, so basically every time I run my feet are in such a bad pain it hurts and has brought me to tears before so it’s like why keep doing track?? anyway it was towards the end of the season I was at a meet and I ended up winning my race with my best time all year. Everyone was proud of me and congratulating me, I was so happy. Until one my closest friends finished her race and she didn’t do as well, so she got back to the team when everyone was hyping me up and congratulating me and all she had to say was “you only won cause you were in a slower heat than me”. This really hurt cause all season I was struggling with trying to get better and the fact that one of the people I’m closest too said that to me. It ruined the moment. I didn’t feel happy anymore I just wanted to go home. It truly sucks that something that means so much to you can get taken away in a moment by someone else’s words.
ReplyDeleteA second time was last summer I got into an argument with my stepfather. He called me selfish and told me I only ever think about myself. This hurt because it was a bad time in my life where I was always upset and constantly crying (although nobody knew that), I was just going through something that really affected me. My parents have called me selfish before over small things and I was always pushed it aside like whatever they’re just mad because I didn’t wanna do chores blah blah blah. But this time really hurt because of the situation I was in. And the argument all started because I walked to cvs! There’s a cvs very close to my house and my mom lets me walk there a bunch of times. But I got in trouble by my stepfather because my mom wasn’t home and it was getting dark out and I wasn’t supposed to walk when it’s getting dark idk. I have no idea how it ended up with me being called selfish but it did. It hurt me because I know for a fact that I had not been selfish at all considering the situation my family was going through. It hurt because I’m constantly doing everything everybody else needs and trying to help in the best ways I can but nobody ever tries to do the same for me so when I try to do it for myself I get called selfish! Love that for me. And that still applies to my life today so that’s really just wonderful. But anyway back to me being selfish, this was just a really bad day for me because my stepfather knew what I was going through, and yet he still decided to spit all these hateful words at me, seeing that I was tearing up, and continued to do so. It made me feel so worthless and like I wasn’t allowed to have feelings so when he was done I just ran and locked myself in the bathroom and I just sat on the floor until I couldn’t see or breathe, crying my eyes out. It was a different type of pain that I’ve ever felt. And the worse thing is, once someone I care about says something disrespectful to me I never forget it and will always remember when I see them it sucks.
Since I wrote about two bad moments I’m gonna throw in two good things that have been said to me. The first was Kimberly Shaw! It was a small thing but it made me feel good. “You are such a genuinely kind person I swear, you have such a big heart for people, don’t ever let people take you for granted! Nor think you’re less than you are, for real!” She sent this to me in a message and it meant a lot to me cause I realized someone noticed! Someone noticed me! I love when people see me as someone who is kind and helpful towards other and expresses it to me it just means a lot to me that people see the type of person I am and it’s a positive thing.
ReplyDeleteA second time was when I asked Bunje to write notes on my declamation :) she wrote next to a certain part of the poem (I think it was something like this Bunje has the paper so I can’t remember to well) it was something like “when you’re heads down your eyes still find a way up and it’s truly remarkable” this meant a lot to me because I like to think of myself a strong. I know I’m sensitive and tend to get knocked down easily but I also like to think I can pick myself up. So these words from Bunje meant a lot because just like Kim’s words, it meant someone noticed. I find this special because in moments when I feel alone and ignored and unnoticed, I’m reminded that I’m not any of those things.
I wrote this on Thursday and forgot to post it wtf
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in 6th grade I had only been in the U.S. for about a year. My English was crappy still, my depression was at an all time high, I was suicidal, and the only thing I had to hold onto was a diary. And that’s a preview of possibly my next OP. ANYWHO with all those crappy feelings, I had just moved to ANOTHER school. That makes it four in one year. Well anyways one day, while my Spanish class was waiting for the teacher to get to the classroom. This mean girl, named Hailey Hernandez, came REALLY close to my face. We’re talking about an inch away from my face. And she said “you’re ugly.” That was the first time that someone has ever said that straight to my face. Like I get I’m not the most beautiful human being in this world but was that really necessary? I think this impacted me so much because I was already feeling bad about myself. I know it like sounds stupid but like it really hurt. Another one that really impacted me and this is where all of my thoughts about myself started to develop. My mother called me a pig. Me dijo “para de comer, te ves como una cerda.” I do wanna say my mom is an awesome mom and she has repeatedly apologized.
Now for the yang. Over the summer I created a blog, this was all after I told my mom about the rape or whatever. So this is like in June of last year. I just wanted to write and share it with everyone else (I have to thank my 5th grade teacher for even getting me started on writing so s/o to Mrs.Hernandez.) Besides the point one of my friends (Sal) told me “I love reading your blogs, you’re so good at writing, I look forward to them.” And I was honestly at the verge of just deleting it all because I don’t think I’m good at writing. But I kept writing not only for myself but for everyone else who enjoys it. I haven’t written in it for a while and I ended up deleting some of the blogs because when I went back and read them, the flow wasn’t right. But yeah
My biological family has never been the best at complimenting or sticking around too long (Thank god for my sisters biological mother who raised me) but by far the worst thing I've ever been told was when my father lectured me about how i'm the laziest, most disrespectful child he's ever met. (Mind you at that particular point in time i was known as the respectful, hardworking young man who wouldn't hesitate to help anyone, ironically). It hurt. But it had been happening for so long that i had gotten numb to it. I had no self esteem left to tear down and i helped everyone, and tried to be as respectful as possible at all times because i figured if i could never please my father or change his view of me i can influence everyone else's around me. It influenced me to do more than i was already doing at the time, and in spite, simply do less for my father around the house and yard, because it wasn't like i was going to do it correctly anyway. But all those insults did was fuel me to be better.
ReplyDeleteit's a lot harder to think about the compliments I've gotten over the years unfortunately. It's like going to a restaurant. What do you usually remember more in detail? good service from your waiter or bad service? Usually, it's bad service that sticks with you in your memory right? (or am i just weird?) But the best compliment I've probably gotten is how hard of a worker i am when i help others, because i take a lot of pride in my work.
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ReplyDeleteRegarding the worst thing anyone has ever said to me, I can't think of one specific statement. I agree that words are extremely powerful, but I am more affected by people's actions. If someone says something mean to me, there's usually a reason. I try to take negative comments directed towards me as constructive criticism, even if that wasn't the original intent. There have been times where I've received comments which I just couldn't dismiss as constructive criticism, and that's when people say things because of extreme emotions. In that case, I dismiss those comments and approach the person to talk about the situation at a later time. I can't really remember a time where I was extremely sad due to someone else's words.
ReplyDeleteOn the contrary, the best thing anyone has ever said to me was from Mr. Weber, my 7th grade English teacher, and the William Davies Middle School NJHS Advisor. A quick background, Mr. Weber was the first teacher I respected through fear. I remembered the first day of class, when he questioned, "Raise your hand if you've heard something bad about me." The whole class proceeded to raise their hands. He bluntly said, "They're all probably true." As the year progressed, my fear turned into respect because of how kept things straight. He didn't sugarcoat and I liked that. In addition, his sister, Mrs. Carmen, was my 3rd grade English teacher, one of my favorite people in the world and also the person who got me into spelling bees. The point is, I respect and love these people because of how much they've helped me. In my 8th grade year, Mrs. Carmen passed away from cancer. I went to her funeral and it was the first time I had seen Mr. Weber, an emotionless wall, show emotion. At the end of the year, Mr. Weber dedicated an award in honor of his sister for the 8th-grade Awards Ceremony. I received that award, which meant a great deal to me because of who it was connected to. Later that night, my dad told me what Mr. Weber told him after the ceremony, "I didn't even have to think about who to give this award to." The award was already important to me because it was connected one of my favorite people, but Mr. Weber's comments made it even more special.
After writing this, I've realized the people closest to us can either throw us to the ground or raise us to the sky. The people closest to us mean the most to us, which is why their words have an amplified effect on us. The fact that I can't really think of a horrible thing that someone has told me shows that maybe I don't care enough to listen to the negativity. The comment from Mr. Weber means the most to me because of how much I respect him. All in all, words are extremely powerful and they affect us tremendously as human beings.
The worst thing anyone has said to me was when my mom told me I was a disgrace and shame to the family. I think she was just really pissed off at me but it was the worst because it came from my mom. And I was thinking that like people say what they really feel when they’re mad so for a while I thought she actually meant it and it hurt. I grew up with her my whole life, she’s always loved me, I’ve been a good kid and all the sudden I’m a disgrace to the family? It made me feel worthless and feel like I didn’t matter to her anymore. The worst feeling mentally.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing anyone’s ever said to me was when my mom told me she’s proud of me. Every so often she tells me but she’s never really aware of my accomplishments and sometimes can’t make my games and banquets because of work. So when she does acknowledge my accomplishments and she’s proud I feel content because I do want to make my mom proud.
What these choices reveal about my personality is that I take what’s said to me very seriously. I think about why you said it when you said it to see if you really meant it. I don’t like being called stupid, dumb, etc. because that’s someone I’m not and I someone I never want to be. Also, I take into consideration the person who says stuff about me. I wouldn’t care if it was a stranger, but someone very close to me that I care about I’ll most likely be affected by those words.