Last Guys Don't Finish Nice
I am a Robert Greene fan.
<crickets....>
...someone from afar cries out, "who?!?"
Well, then. I guess this warrants further explanation.
The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills/burns) would indicate that I've read them several times.
So, you guessed it--Robert Greene is an author.
Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition.
I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.
As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people." There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows. The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try.
But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted .
Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:
PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos); mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).
And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.
This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age.
My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people.
In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story.
Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.
So, back to today (Sunday) and the churning maelstrom (look it up) of pessimism taking hold of me.
In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.
I would like you to read and reflect on this quote, and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means.
As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Rovert Greene
Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...
<crickets....>
...someone from afar cries out, "who?!?"
Well, then. I guess this warrants further explanation.
The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War (I don't have the one he wrote with 50Cent) are all displayed prominently on my bookshelves, and the abuse each one of them has taken (bent pages, cracked spine, coffee spills/burns) would indicate that I've read them several times.
So, you guessed it--Robert Greene is an author.
Further, it comes as no surprise (well, to me I mean) that I am feeling a bit cynical this evening, and for that, I apologize; I think that my internal struggle with cynicism thanks to Greene may have influenced this week's intellectual proposition.
I shall let you be the judge, however, as to whether or not this was a good or a bad thing.
As many of you know, and if you didn't you do now, I am not that into "people." There are a select few I would ever willingly share time with, and more often than not, it shows. The true friends (not the acquaintances--you have to have those or it's really hard to survive in the world as an adult) I have are friends I've had for quite a while--it's not always easy for me to make new ones and frankly, I don't often (ok, probably never) try.
But, don't misunderstand me--I know that this is not considered "normal" and I often wish that this aspect of my personality were not so deeply rooted .
Now, before I go any further, I feel it pertinent to actually define what I mean when I say "people."
So, here it goes, for lack of a more...academic definition:
PEOPLE: Individuals who are not kids (and yes, I realize the absurdity there since EVERYONE was at one time, in fact, a kid--I never said my appeals were to logos); mostly over the age of 30 and under the age of 80 (for some reason, I find the elderly fascinating).
And there you have it--the definition of people in the world of Cassie Bunje.
This rather pessimistic and certainly asocial view of the human race is not something with which I was born, however, I feel that it began cultivating itself at a rather young age.
My childhood was not one to be looked back upon wistfully, and it didn't really get much better as I grew into young adulthood. This was due, almost entirely, to my interactions with and observations of, you guessed it--people.
In fact, until I became a teacher, I held out very little hope that I would ever be able to gaze upon the face of another human being without a hint of scorn, mistrust or distaste. True story.
Truth be told, and this is not me being dramatic at all--you could probably accurately say that teaching saved my soul. More on that later.
So, back to today (Sunday) and the churning maelstrom (look it up) of pessimism taking hold of me.
In my reading earlier ( I was searching for a quote from Greene and forgot which book it was in--so I skimmed them all), I happened upon an interesting quote.
I would like you to read and reflect on this quote, and tell me what you come up with in terms of whether or not you agree with what it says, and what it even means.
As always, qualify your answer with an anecdote of personal (or not-so-personal--whichever you prefer) experience to help illustrate the point you are making.
Here it is:
"Niceness is a decision. It is a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait." --Rovert Greene
Have fun, my pumpkinsunshinefaceheads...
I believe that this quote means that in order to create a successful relationship with someone, you have to choose to be nice to them, and recognize that not everyone can be reacted to the same way. I absolutely agree with this quote because I think that people have the ability to choose to be a nice person. It really only depends on your tone, syntax, and your body language. You just need to assess the situation you are in socially, and determine all of these things based on who is around you and who you are talking to. Now that I write it all down, it seems like its a lot of unnecessary work. However, if I’ve learned anything in the past 16 or so years, it’s that if you want people to trust you, you need to mold the way you present your attributes to their own personalities. Simply being nice to someone will not make you get on someone’s good side if they do not believe your intentions. For example, if someone thought I was being sarcastic by my choice of words and my tone (even if i was being genuinely nice), the quality of being kind that I was trying to display would mean nothing, and it would be utterly pointless to continue because they would feel a bit of resentment, which wouldn’t be very pleasant for either of us.
ReplyDeleteDespite all of this, would I still call “niceness” a character trait? I thought about this for a while, and I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t. At first, I speculated that it, in fact, was a character trait, because people who choose to be nice are nice people. But are they really? No, I don’t mean to create the presumption of those people to be mean or anything. I mean to say that all people who are considered “nice” are not considered nice by everyone. As I said earlier, it’s all about the temperaments and the spirit of the people you are talking to. Like it was described in the second sentence of the quote, niceness is a strategy.
Everyone holds different characteristic traits that describes them. I believe carrying that niceness within you is a decision. I like to believe that I carry niceness with me pretty much all the time. In any given moment, depending on the situation at that time, it’s your choice on how you’re going to handle things. For example, if I find myself in an incident that I have the choice to fire hostility back, I stop and think; is that who I really am? I make myself decide whether or not to respond back in a nice way or a way that may hurt someone’s feelings. I’m not going to lie, when I get into arguments with my mom at times, I’m not always the nicest. That is my decision. I learned throughout the years, that people tend to like others who carry niceness with them. This is because they can build a specific relationship with you. Being nice isn’t just doing things for someone, it’s the tone on how you speak to them and your body language. Simply just smiling is something I consider nice. Not everyone reacts the same way as each other; some may react in a nice pleasant way while others are just flat out rude. It only takes being nice to create a more trustworthy and successful bond with someone. Some people may consider you nice, while others may not. It’s all based off of point of views. Now saying all this, I believe this quote is saying that how you are with people makes a factor on how nice you are. Some may be nice to only people they favor, while their mean to others they may not like. Not everyone is nice in the same ways and some people aren’t considered nice at all. Niceness is a choice that all may not be able to find within themself, however niceness may start to become a natural instinct if that’s the only way you live.
ReplyDeleteThe Nurture vs Nature debate is the first thing I thought of when I saw this. Physiologists still don’t know whether human behavior is determined by your environment, personal experiences or genetic makeup. With that being said, I 100% believe that niceness is a choice. People choose their reactions. Everyone chooses what they’re gonna say or not say, same with what they’re gonna do or not do. When we’re upset we either choose to lash out, handle it calmly, or not do anything at all. For example, my mom and I don’t see eye to eye on almost everything. So when we get into a disagreement and she starts to get a little too heated, I decided to keep a calm and collected tone while trying to get my point across. Another example is when my siblings get under my skin, I decided to be Nice and remain that way so the situation doesn’t escalate.
ReplyDeleteMost people want to be approachable, no one wants to have the stigma of being mean associated with them, So ultimately we choose to be nice. The way you present yourself to the world is how people will describe you, and that’s the harsh truth. Despite mood, or Nurture vs Nature, being nice is a choice you make.
Niceness is a decision. I can be in a bad mood and not pull a nice word out of my mouth but I can be in a good mood and wanna give my whole heart to someone. You choose to make the right decision and be nice to someone. Just like if I were in a terrible mood but still choose to be nice and kind.
ReplyDeleteSome people may be nicer than others but that comes down to manners and morals. If I was raised to make the right decisions and choices. It’s not so much a natural instinct for me to be nice but a choice. I’d rather make someone for cared for than not. I’d rather say thank you, please, donate, tip, say excuse me, simply go out of my way. It not only makes me feel good but I know I made someone else feel good.
Niceness isn’t only for yourself because if there weren’t anybody else on the Earth but yourself there’d be no one to be nice to. We do it for other people. We’re nice to stand to our morals because we know right from wrong. We wouldn’t do anything that’d intentionally hurt another or make someone feel upset on purpose... I hope. Rather be nice and hopefully what comes around goes around.
Therefore I agree with the quote 100%.
Niceness is a decision with out a doubt. Allow me to explain. Humans, as all animals, are naturally competitive. We strive to be the best constantly. If we had no control over our competitive and social nature, no one would be nice to each other. This is seen in nature with lions, polar bears, and even chimpanzees (one of our closest relatives). However, when we put competition to the side, we are greeted with a choice, "Do I want to be nice?" Of course niceness is taught culturally as being a good thing but imagine this. If a group of people were to taught to be mean to everyone they saw, rather than nice, I have a feeling that no part of their human nature would disagree. Anger and unfriendliness are the most primal aspects of humans and thus, being "nice" must be a conscious decision by man. Personally, I feel no aspect to just be "nice" to someone unless of course I have a relationship with them i.e friend, bf/gf, etc. So this only goes to prove that niceness is, in fact, a decision.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice is always definitely a quality that everybody should choose but it is something that not everybody chooses for themselves. I definitely agree with this quote because somebody can choose whether they want to be mean or nice. The world doesn’t just give somebody the characteristics to be nice, but rather they choose to do it themselves. Somebody can choose to be whatever they want to be to a certain person. You can appear to be mean to someone, but that is not a characteristic given to you. Even the nicest people in the world may appear nice to the public’s eye but on the inside they may be just as cruel as anybody else. The qualities that you give yourself are decided by your actions and not the actions that are decided for you. Growing up in a household that was semi strict, my parents always taught me that the attitude that I put out to people are the way people are gonna look me until I truly know about them. It was my decision to allow people to have either a good reputation of me or a bad reputation. My actions and my words were the key to what people thought. The characteristics of myself didn’t decided those actions for me, but rather the decision that I made for others to look at me is what really gave them the idea of who I am. When my parents ask me to do something and I tell them no, it was my decision to say that, however I always end up feeling guilty for being a jerk and then I always do whatever they ask me to do because I chose that path myself.
ReplyDeleteBeing nice or kind is a decision, I have realized that through many instances. I have argued with parents, friends, strangers, etc. Some times i let anger get to me but if you really think about it you choose to show kindness, you can't blame how you treat someone based on your own emotions. When i get sad or angry obviously i'm going to be really annoyed so i try my best when i talk to new people to give them a fresh start instead of being angry to them when they haven't done anything. This made me realize that being nice really is a choice, either when your happy and in a good mood, or have a bad attitude and decide to not let what your going through ruin anyone elses day.
ReplyDeleteNiceness is a decision. We all have a choice whether to be nice or to be rude and sadly plenty of us choose to be rude. But being nice is seen as a character trait to everyone else when they want to define you but it’s still a decision and you can change that choice every single day. We get put into situations so many times with others and we have to decide what’s a good response for them, are you just going to shrug them off or make a rude comment rather than be there for them and build them up. We have so many problems in the world because people CHOOSE to not be nice. It’s not something you are born with it’s something you learn, I haven’t always been the nicest out of my 16 years of life but for the past five years I’ve been doing my best and it feels so natural to me now because I chose to be nice.
ReplyDeleteBe nice. Every kid has heard it from an adult at some point in their life, but I'm almost certain that a parent has not viewed that instruction at such an unusual angle. No adult has told a child to be nice, thinking to themselves, "I'm going to tell little Jimmy to 'be nice' because it is a better strategy for social interaction with the other kids." To get a full understanding of where this quote was coming from, I looked up the full quote online. I found that the quote also mentions that people are only nice to gain power over someone. Thinking about it from that perspective, it makes sense. It's almost like the "wolf in sheep's clothing" from the Bible, in that people make themselves approachable, mostly because of their genuine heart, but sometimes for the wrong reasons.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the quote about how being nice is not a character trait, but actually, a social strategy to make yourself more approachable. I believe that being good-hearted, on the other hand, is a valuable character trait. In all honesty, if I'm trying to be friends with someone, I'll present myself as a nice person to get closer. With my close friends, I'll be a jerk because I'm already close. It's interesting to think that there are certain levels of nice as you get closer to a person. To put it in mathematical terms, being nice is inversely proportional to how close you are to a person. As you get closer to a person, you get less nice because you drop the social strategy and show your true self.
I agree with the quote, that niceness is a choice, not a character trait. Having a big heart is a character trait, and so is caring about others, which can cause you to be nice, but niceness is definitely a choice. In my opinion, different scenarios bring the niceness out of me, how the people are around me, and what mood I am in. Recently I have been super stressed because of school and softball, and one of my very bad coping mechanisms is being in a terrible, snappy mood. Of course I don't mean to be like this, but I still choose to be nice to the people around me, because I shouldn't take my stress out them, since they can't control any of it.
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ReplyDeleteNiceness is 100% a decision and not human trait. Humans will ACT nice to one another for a couple of reasons: 1.) to get something they want 2.) to make sure they are liked. I personally can be very nice one day just because I’m in a good mood but most of the time I’m pretty mean because I don't want anything from people and I don’t care if people like me that much. Some days I just wake up an I'm not feeling so I just go through my day being “mean”./ Niceness is more nurture than nature in my opinion. I don't think people are born as nice or born as mean I think how they grow up to view the world will determine what kind of person they are. Niceness is more nurture than nature in my opinion.
Being nice is most definitely a decision. No one is born nice. Lots of people usually choose to be nice because it just seems natural to them and they want to make the world a better place with positivity. Although, some people just choose to be nice to people so they don’t ever cause any problems with anyone. It’s a strategy as the quote states. For instance, if you are having a bad day, and something makes you mad, it is your decision to either go crazy at that thing or be calm and nice about it. It is very hard sometimes to be nice but it all comes down to your decision at that moment. An example of this would be the times when I lost soccer games, or did not perform the best that I could of, and my mom asked me about the game and what happened. I am usually very mad and upset but I am able to control myself because I know she is just asking a simple question. I decide to approach it in a nicer way and just say it wasn’t my day today or something like that. If you can be nice in every situation you were just raised in the most positive way which is a really good thing.
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ReplyDeleteI for the majority of that concept understand where Greene is coming from, and some what agree with that statement. When you take a minute to think about it, "nice" really is a strategy. People use it in search of social, political, or even religious gain. This is because the plain truth is, people like someone better when they consider them to be nice. You would not go out of your way for someone if you did not perceive them to be nice. Another thing is we don't even have one definition of nice. It's just kind of a broad idea, the way that you choose to think of someone-it's very opinionated. People base their judgement (for the most part) on whether or not they believe someone is nice. This is where misinterpretation can occur. People judge someone they do not know based on actions that they observe from a distance, and decide whether they like them using that. This really is true to some people in school, it shocks me still. When you are having a conversation about someone and they say "oh I don't like them", and when you attempt to gather more information behind the reasoning, you realize they have never had a conversation with the person. The point is, there are people, political leaders, popular people, that understand this concept. Down to what to say, what to wear and how to look, what actions should be made and should not, and so on. In reality it is a skill, I will give people who utilize this credit for that much. But the point is, when you look around you begin to recognize that even if "nice" was something all around when you were a child, now all it's for is searching for personal gain. Everyone wishes to be liked, sometimes when you notice people executing their "niceness" in intentional ways that I mentioned, it becomes frustrating. Especially when you yourself know that they themselves are just cloaked.
ReplyDeleteI agree with this quote. I'm a nice person because I choose to be, well because it makes me feel good. It takes more energy to be a curmudgeon than to be polite. Things at home have been chaotic, and even though I'm not doing well like the past week, today--- I can help out someone else even if its just a little smile down the hallway. I also think you become what you believe. So if you believe you're a happy person, you will be. I speak from my struggle and insecurities. I put this saying to the test everyday, that's what keeps me going sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that being nice is a strategy, if you go on google right now and look up "how to make a good first impression" or "how to read body language better." They will tell you that when you first take a second when you approach or first meet someone and then smile; it makes it seem that you might like the person because you took that extra second to look at them. All of those pages tell you to be positive. It's fascinating how easily you can manipulate someones feeling when you tell them something bad in a positive tone. If you're intelligent enough, you can use being nice to get almost anything in life. You will have more advances than others, I know this, because I've tried it before. Since I've moved a lot, I know how people react to different personalities. Not even that but just watching people helps too. But that was from like three years ago, from when I was a psycho or whatever. I choose to be polite everyday because I want to help others, that's also why I want to be a lawyer. Because I can help other people with the issues that my parents had before. Or I can go another route and help the environment with laws, because we sure need them on some things.
I agree with this quote almost entirely. Some people are nice at heart and some are mean. But depending on the person they interact with they have a decision to be nice to them. I believe I'm a nice person inside. I've always been taught to treat others the way you would like to be treated so I always look at someone as if I were in their shoes. I wouldn’t want to have someone be mean to me so I’m usually not mean to other people. But this is a decision because maybe someone approaches you in a spiteful manner then you might get angry and be mean to that person. You choose to be mean because you know that being mean is probably the only way you could calm that person down. When someone approaches you with positive energy you can feel it and it’s almost contagious because you react with the same energy. Same goes with negative energy too. So sometimes you can’ control it but it’s almost always a decision to make based on the person. That’s why I agree with it almost entirely.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people choose to be nice just to make people feel good or to get something out of them. They could seem nice on the outside and could really be mean on the inside. This could have a negative effect on people because when they really find out what’s on the inside it’s sad. However, they can learn from their mistakes and be more aware and look at the person for who they are on the inside and not how they choose to look on the outside.
When you like someone it’s almost inevitable that you’re nice to them. You choose to be nice to them because you admire that person. Whether if it’s their looks, personality, or behavior. It’s something about them that you just couldn’t be mean to them. Even for a person you dislike, depending on what kind of person you are, you’re either mean to them or put up a fake smile. You might choose to be nice to them for moral reasons, or you might be that person who would be mean to that person because their presence annoys you.
Without niceness, the world would be a place full of only hatred and meanness. Not that the world doesn't already have a lot of hatred in it, but without niceness, it would have even more. Niceness is a decision that you make everyday and the days where you choose not to be nice are your bad days, or the days that "people just aren't your thing." By choosing niceness, you choose to help someone when they need it, compliment them, or even just simply hold open a door for someone. You make little choices like that everyday that decide how nice you are that day. You can choose not to be nice and not to help someone when they need it, just to be not nice. Ever since I was little, I've wanted to be a nurse. I want to be a nurse, because I feel that they give the niceness back to the world and help people as much as they can. Helping people is nice to me. I know this word can be very bland and boring, but it really does describe actions that you choose to do. Nurses give back to the community, and how often do you meet a mean nurse, and someone who won't or doesn't help you? This particular quote from this author is trying to explain how you make your choices on how nice you're going to be that day. You choose how your day is going to go. Niceness is something you have to think about and do.
ReplyDeleteI believe it is a choice to be nice, People can have past experiences that cause the hatred and anger. Without niceness and kindness in the world it would be a war zone and there would never be any peace. Some people may be a nice person on the outside but in reality it is all a front. Many people also have a mean side to them. No one can be 100% nice...right? Well honestly I dont know. I can also be mean, but I also can be nice. I choose to be nice? You can help someone out with school, family issues, drama. Those are all chooses. But you also choose to be mean. Life has many chooses and it is up to you to decide.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning part of the quote means being nice is a decision. Not everyone can be nice like everyday it is not an everyday thing. By saying this i mean not everyone can be nice everyday, everyone is going to have a bad day some time. Niceness is not a temporary. The other part of this quote is “it is a strategy of social interaction” means for me it defines who you talk to on a daily basis and the people who will approach you by your niceness. It also affects the people who talk about you. They may be saying the good things about you or may be the bad things about you. “It is not a character trait” for me means being nice you can not have it i side it is not something that you get when you are born. Like i said in the beginning it is something you can pull out on a bad day. Being nice is very complicated because it is sometimes not shown the way you want but it something when you receive it you feel appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the meaning of this quote is that, being nice is a choice used in order to build a relationship with someone. It’s not a necessary choice and all up to you as a person as to whether or not it’s the right choice in the moment. I agree with this quote because, people chose to be nice in order to be liked by others. No one ever wakes up and goes “I’m gonna act like the biggest asshole today to get everybody to like me”, being nice opens yourself up to build new relationships. From personal experience, I’ve always like choosing to be nice because it creates a warm personality that people become comfortable with and like. I don’t just like being nice to make people nice but I choose being nice because I know there’s people out there that just need a nice interaction with someone to make their day or feel better or maybe they just need it.
ReplyDeleteLife is the sum of your choices that add up to where those choices take you depending on the consequences of your actions (whether positive or negative). Many things in life most everyone sees as an obligation, or a trait, is usually optional. Loving someone, for example, is a choice, it's not a feeling. You must wake up in the morning and decide if you still love that person depending on past events including that significant other.
ReplyDeleteNiceness, is very similar. It is about how you were brought up, it factors in how much you trust others (including people you may have just met), and may come more naturally to some than others. Not to mention, that some people express niceness very differently than most.
My best friends father expresses his feelings for his sons friends through chop-busting and poking fun. "If i make fun of you, it means I like you. When i start being nice to you is when you should be worried." He says quite often. He is a man who expresses kindness through actions more often than words. His door is always open to me, and so is his refrigerator, as he's proven time and time again. He's fixed my car when i was in desperation, and even went as far to taught me how to fix my own car so i can do for others. he's taught me to weld, and other tricks of various trades, meanwhile busting my chops the whole time, all because he chose to.
The decision to be nice to someone can vary on your mood that particular day. If you're day started off crappy, you woke up late, you didn't have breakfast, nor did you have time to make your coffee, you missed the bus to school, and on top of it all, someone comes and talks to you (So annoying), your reaction to that person may not be so kind because you don't FEEL like being nice to that person at that particular moment.